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I was never a “bad” kid, when I was growing up, not by the world’s standards.  As a child, my parents did many bad things to me; things that would affect me much of the rest of my life.  I was raised in the Lutheran Church.  There I was taught about God, that Jesus died on the cross for me!  I wanted to go to heaven some day, when I died, but I didn’t know how to get there.  People always told me that God loved me but I didn’t really believe it.  I wanted to find someone who would truly love me.

All my life, I grew up feeling like I was unlovable.  I thought there was something wrong with me that no one loved me.  If my own family didn’t love me, how could God love me, when I really didn’t know Him or have a relationship with Him?  I tried to find ways to make my family love me.  I found that I was pretty good at sports so I immersed myself in them.  I joined the military, and went off to college all in vain attempts to find love.  Nothing worked!  While at college, wanting to fit in and be loved, I began drinking heavily and doing drugs.  I just wanted someone to say that they cared for me!

One spring day, one of my teammates shared the gospel with me and for the first time I realized that it had nothing to do with me!  It was all about what Jesus did for me!  He paid the price, he loved me enough to take my sin on Himself and pay the price for them with His own precious blood!  I realized that there was nothing that I had to do, not getting my family to be proud of me, not their love for me or their approval would get me to heaven, but God’s love and sacrifice was all that I needed.    That day I trusted Jesus as my Saviour and I began a new relationship with Him!  I didn’t know much else about God, so I remained in the Lutheran church.

At college, I met a boy who told me he loved me.  We married and 15 yrs. later I found out that he never truly loved me.  I had wanted so badly to find someone to love me that I was blinded to things that I should have noticed and been obvious to me long before I married him.  I was devastated for a long time.

I poured myself into my children.  I committed my everything to them in hope that they would love me!  Then my best friend had to move away but her brother and his family were moving in next door to me. I already knew them so I felt better.  They were going to a Baptist church and had invited my kids and I.

I went to church with them and discovered that there was a place where God’s word was preached without apology or compromise!  I knew right away that I needed to join that church.  I knew that if I wanted to learn to live right and to have a better life for me and my kids that FBC is where we needed to be.
We joined the church and through the grace of God, I have grown in the Lord!  I was struggling with a smoking addiction that I just could not overcome.  When Preacher announced that they were going to be starting an addictions program called RUI, I thought that this would finally be what I needed to overcome my addiction.  Although I had tried to quit many times before, I just could never do it.

I began to work the program and God started to prick at my heart, regarding my smoking.  Finally I gave up!  I gave it to God!  I told Him that I could not do it, I needed Him to help me.  He did and I have been free from the addiction of smoking for the last 3 and ½ yrs.  Fast forward to the day I found out that I was sick, very sick with cancer. Even though I knew better, I stopped relying on the Lord and went back to my smoking.  It was my “security blanket”.  I know that I truly hurt my Saviour’s heart when I did that but I felt so alone and once again as if no one loved me, not even my Lord!

Recently, God has shown me some areas in my life that I needed to deal with.  I have never dealt with the feelings of being unlovable  and that has plagued me all of my life.  I have always felt unloved and worthless all of my life.  Even though I know that God loves me, I still struggle with feeling like He really does love me.  I know myself better than anyone and I am well aware of my shortcomings, therefore it is hard for me to understand how He could love someone like me!  I am going through a process now, of painstakingly breaking down the walls that I have built up in my life over the last nearly 50 years.  I am beginning to understand that God does love me!  I am starting to understand that I am someone who could be loved by God and others.

Looking back over my life, I can see God’s hand in much of my life, guiding me every step of the way.  God is so merciful to me; He truly does love even a sinner like me.

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Tom with Nephew

As a child, I went to several schools including Catholic, Lutheran, and Baptist. The final school I attended was North Love Baptist School with Steve Curington during my ninth and part of tenth grade years. Then, I dropped out. I began using drugs and eventually began to see Steve Curington once again…only this time it was at parties, not the Baptist School. We saw each other at these parties for about a year before the time came when I began to use drugs with him. However, this did not last long as the United States government indicted me as part of the largest drug ring in the state of Illinois (and quite possibly the western half of the United States). Just to show you the magnitude of the devil’s control over my life, the government seized 1.2 billion dollars in drugs, cash, and real estate including: car lots, night clubs, hotels, gas stations, restaurants, cars, boats, homes, and jets from the group I was associated with. I, along with others I sold with, went off to prison for several years.

Little did I know that in the meantime, God got a hold of Steve Curington’s life, and he had gone back to church. When I got out of prison, God brought Reformers Unanimous to me, and I learned about the lives that were being changed as a result of it. I began to actively take part in the program. I struggled with my faith and with alcohol. All of the other activities and drugs I had been involved with previously were no longer tempting to me. However, my relationship with God and the abstinence from alcohol were the two things that would cause me to see how weak I really am and how desperately I needed God. I have attended RU locally for four years and have been working to assist in the ministry for three years. I am a helper in this ministry and am privileged to be a small part in the overall picture. If you ever want to meet me or find out more about me, you can visit me at the Men’s Discipleship Home. I am not far from the kitchen working. I am responsible for all of the food procurement of both our men and women’s homes.

At times, I struggle with wanting to take back the control of my life for a day or so, but it never lasts long. God will not allow it. God is blessing me, and He will bless you if you seek Him too. God is using Reformers. Just look around your Friday night meeting, and you will see Him at work; if you don’t have Reformers, you will have to get one and see God begin to work. If you once had a chapter, yet you gave up too soon on the addicts who suffer, please remember that God doesn’t give up. The devil tricked you and robbed you of not seeing this ministry serve the addicted. It is interesting to note that six of the men I sold drugs to earlier in life are now faithfully serving the Lord.

I dedicate this testimony to my mother, Diane Montena, for never doubting God nor giving up on me and the staff of the RU homes. I pray this testimony reaches just one.

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Jeremiah 29:14, “And I will be found of you, saith the LORD: and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather you from all the nations, and from all the places whither I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you again into the place whence I caused you to be carried away captive.”

About halfway through my program at the Women’s School of Discipleship, my daughter would hardly speak to me. If she did, it was to be obedient; but not because she wanted to. It was exactly what I deserved. Though she is my step-daughter, I had begged God for her and a great relationship with her, to the point of there being no difference that she was really not my child. I had become so ungrateful for what God had given me. I had thrown away what God gave me.

To say I came here willingly or that I wanted to stay in the Women’s Home would be a BIG lie. So when I read this verse the words driven and captive really grabbed me. I took this verse to God and asked for her back. After this I got to spend the entire summer with my daughter, and God knit our hearts together once again.

So…last Saturday, I went with Erika to take her daughter, Tabi, to Midway airport. On the way there I told her how earlier that week I had to make a decision about something before we left for work, and I wasn’t really sure if I had made the right one. In times like these, I always ask God to give me a sign to show me it will be fine. I prefer to see a cardinal. So, on the way to work that day on the shuttle a cardinal flew right up to my window and away! Praise God, it was what I needed.

In the van, I couldn’t help but look at Erika and remember when just a year ago we were praying and asking for our daughters back. We talked about that and praised God for what He has done for us. Our summer with our daughters has been an answer to our prayers.

But, that is not all!  When we got to Midway airport, right in front of the entrance to the concourse is a huge pointillism sculpture hanging from the ceiling. It is a sculpture of a cardinal!! It was amazing. And right in the middle of it is a tiny white bird.

I’m so thankful God to spend the entire summer with my daughter, and she is now in bible college! I’m thankful to God for the opportunity for giving me a place to be driven to and be captive in order to get a relationship with God!! I don’t want to ever take advantage of what God has given me ever again. Thank you God a thousand times over!!

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We have a woman that was reached for Christ through our jail ministry about 18 months ago. She was recently facing 3-7 years in the Department of Corrections. The attorneys research showed what a dramatic change that God had made in her lifestyle. The states attorney reduced the charges so she could receive probation instead of prison and the Judge was completely in FAVOR of the decision.

She is on probation to our RU class for two years, We get her for 100 hours of community service, weekly counseling sessions, an anger management course to be taught by me and I have been designated by the court to do her drug testing also using the RU Plus System to report to the probation department.

Only our God could accomplish all these miracles in her life–FAVOR!

After all the legalities were completed the Judge made some wonderful open court statements for the record concerning Reformers Unanimous, and what is being accomplished in Knox County through our Reformers Institutional Program, and chaplaincy ministries. FAVOR was definitely shown to me and our RU Chapter here yesterday.

God bless you as you share the blessing of this miracle.

Dr Gary Bane, Pastor
Prairieland Baptist Church
Galesburg, IL

If you or someone know is interested in ministering to the incarcerated we have a full line of curriculum (click here) and Jeremy Amster would be happy to answer any questions you may have. You can reach him at 815-986-0460 ext. 124 or by emailing weneedu@reformu.com

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Shannon and Family

I grew up in a very strong, solid Christian home. My childhood memories are extremely happy and filled with love from my parents. My life revolved around church and school, so I knew only Christians. Accepting Jesus as my Savior at the age of five, I enjoyed many church activities as well as attending Christian school throughout my elementary years.

Although I was aware of a “world” out there somewhere, I had no clue what it
was all about. My parents were careful to shelter us from outside influences. When I was in 8th grade, my mother quit teaching to home school my brother and me. As I grew, I felt overly controlled. Although taught to obey and honor my parents, sometimes I didn’t understand all their rules. During my home-schooled high school years, it became very important to act right, speak right, and look right at all times. That’s when the games began.

I began “playing” Christianity because it seemed like the easiest solution. I went to Bob Jones University where my way of life was reinforced. By then, apathy had turned to rebellion—I was tired of playing church and just wanted out. Dropping out of Bob Jones my senior year, I went to bars; but I hated all the superficiality I felt there. I needed substance, and there was a big emptiness inside of me. I started searching, reading different philosophies, drawn to free thinkers like Timothy Leary, William F. Burroughs, and Hunter S. Thompson. I sought other people engaged in the same way of thinking. They were, of course, “drug people.” I started experimenting with hallucinogens that made me even more confused and the big empty hole even more hollow.

Then, one day, I was given my first line of coke. I remember thinking, “I finally found what I was looking for; I’m finally home.” Selling myself out, stealing, lying, and manipulating everyone I knew, produced guilt and the need for more drugs. Losing job after job, trying to quit, out of control, hiding my habit, more guilt, more drugs, losing all self-respect, my morals going down the drain, doing whatever I had to do just to get high. How glamorous did coke look now?

One night, God gave me a wake up call as I was flat on my back in a hospital bed. With my life out of control, I went to a secular outpatient program. It helped me understand how addiction works, but that big gaping hole that was back inside my heart. Then, I went to RU and learned that, in spite of everything I knew about the Bible and Christianity, if I did not have a growing, personal relationship with Jesus to allow the Holy Spirit to guide me, I could not know true peace and contentment.

My RU leader came to my house every week to disciple me. She taught me to love the Lord in a way I had never known in all my years in church and Christian college. I continued to go to RU and church as much as possible. Unfortunately, as a single mom and a waitress, I had to work most Fridays and Sundays. Nevertheless, I stayed in the Bible, praying and trying desperately to be a good Christian woman and mother. Now I know that I was trying to do it in my own strength. I thought that was what I was supposed to do—try really hard all by myself. I started to get down, really tired, overwhelmed, and eventually depressed. I believed Satan’s lie that I couldn’t do it anymore. “Once a coke-head, always a coke-head,” people had said about my attempts to get clean. I fell back into my addiction after almost two years clean and trying to live for God. That’s when God worked in a miraculous way to bring me to Rockford. I couldn’t do it in my own power.

I felt very blessed to be able to come to the Ladies’ Discipleship Home. God used it to show me so many things that could never be expressed in writing. The teaching and preaching that I got to sit under definitely helped me grow spiritually and develop a much closer walk with the Lord. One of the most important things that I learned is that under the Holy Spirit’s guidance, the rest of my life on earth will be constant change and growth towards being more Christ-like. I will never and should never be comfortable and content to stop growth and learning. The other important concept I needed to learn was concerning my self-righteousness. I learned to die daily and dedicate myself everyday to knowing and doing God’s will. God taught me and changed my heart towards others. I now realize that I had lived my life selfishly, and that it’s not about me, but others. God has blessed me with a godly husband, and the restoration of the relationships with my family, especially my mother; but most of all, the relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ. I no longer am living with all the anxiety and depression that I once felt. That big gaping hole in my heart is now being filled.

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My name is Gloria Crutchfield. Born in 1952, I was the middle child of seventeen siblings. We grew up with a father and mother. My father died when I was nineteen.

Although my childhood seemed “normal” to me, I just did not know what I was missing. Growing up in such a large family, we were not hugged, kissed, or loved on. After seeing television programs showing loving all-American families, my understanding was that, “only white people get treated like that.” It is often amazing the way people come to think, solely because of the way they are raised; not to mention that, back then, we hardly ever saw black people on television.

I grew up just wanting to be loved. I learned to do good things in order to gain favor from my parents as well as other people in my life. With the way of thinking I had learned, I started believing that I had to make up and substitute somehow for not being pretty, for being poor, and whatever else I thought I lacked, in order to be loved. In my world, love seemed to be something earned or exchanged.

Yes, I needed to feel love, and I was deceived by a young man with his promise that I was loved. At the age of nineteen, I had a baby as a direct result of believing that somebody loved me.

It was upon my Dad’s passing that I started my drug use. I could not stand to be me because I was ashamed to show “me” out in the world.

After thirty-five years of abusing drugs, one form after another, I suffered a stroke at the age of fifty-one. It was then that I was introduced to my mentor’s best friend, Jesus. I was saved and I started attending Reformers Unanimous. I didn’t think I would ever be able to stop using drugs, until I met my Savior, Jesus. He showed me the way, the truth, and the life.

It was re-enforced in my spirit about the One called Jesus. I have been free these past three years, more than I’ve ever been. After so long in the world, it has been a process of sanctification; but believe it or not, I enjoy this process. For, to what else in my life can I compare it? There is nothing. Thank you, Jesus!!

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Students from all over the country shared amazing testimonies of God’s grace during the RU 2009 National Conference.

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I was born and raised in Wisconsin. I had 7 brothers and 1 sister. I went to 7 or 8 different schools in my life. My Mom was a good lady but my Dad was a drinker. Alcohol was a part of growing up.

My Dad would swear at me and call me stupid and dumb. I think that it was a big part of the bad decisions that I made in my life because I didn’t think I was worth anything.

I went into a business that wasn’t a very good deal. My drinking really increased something fierce and kept getting worse and worse. I was drunk every night and didn’t remember anything. I just liked to drink and liked the atmosphere. Sometimes I’d get so drunk I’d get into fights and get thrown into jail.

God had to make me humble enough to ask for help. Even though I had a good marriage, my life was being destroyed. My drinking was out of hand and my wife had left. It gave me a little time to think about it, and I told my wife that I was going to look for a group. I called the mission to see if they had a program and they recommended Reformers Unanimous. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to quit drinking. I also told the Lord that if I came to Reformers and stayed with it, to make Himself real to me. I’m still asking Him and He’s becoming even more real, and my faith is growing just a little at a time. I have to give God the credit because after I visited Reformers, I never drank another drop. The Lord helped me give up my drinking without even missing it. My wife prayed for me steady and my kids and grandson showed me love like you wouldn’t believe. The Lord just had everything planned the right way and filled my life with other things.

Reformers really helped me tremendously. I look forward to hearing the Word and I can communicate well with the people. I have people there who I can confide in and they’ll pray for me. The Lord has used Steve and other leaders to point me to the Word of God. Steve teaches us that a wise man falls and gets up and goes. Before I was whipped all the time because I had no self worth and I would stay there. Church also has helped me because I need to hear the Word of God to stay where I am at. If I don’t hear the Word, it would be easy to slip back into my addiction.

The Lord helped me see my life in a different way and helped me to understand and see the goals I wanted to attain. I like to think of myself as a new person because I’m much happier than I’ve ever been and I can actually smile and joke and not be moody or holler and nag. It’s a great feeling to go to bed that way and to get up that way. Sometimes it’s like I didn’t do the things I used to do because God has removed from my mind. I have to teach myself to think of where God has brought me and what he has brought me out of. I can grill out. I can go to the park. God has filled my time with walking and looking at nature, thanking Him for all the beautiful things that are there. I’d recommend Reformers to anybody who has an addiction.

We have 2 adult children: a son, Stacey and daughter, Beulah. I look at my wife, children and grandson differently now. I enjoy my little grandson. When I retire, I’ll be able to spend time with him and really enjoy him.

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I had everything going for me. I was a wealthy physical therapist and had a beautiful family, ranch, horses, and ponds on my property. However, I made many small compromises that led to great disasters. I allowed the stress of my life to lead me to alcohol and soon thereafter to drugs.

I was arrested 13 times for drunken driving, the last of which nearly cost the lives of many. I woke up in jail, which was not uncommon for me, but soon found myself revoked of my driving license and my license to practice medicine.

It was in this desperate position that I was first introduced to the RU program. I began by attending their meetings in the jail and eventually the meetings at Grace Baptist Church in Ohio upon my release. At my judicial hearing for what was supposed to be two to five years in prison, I was miraculously court ordered to the Men’s Discipleship Home in Rockford.

That was 2002. Today, I work full time in this wonderful Christian ministry. I have a beautiful home, beautiful wife and family, and have gained full privileges to drive again. As a matter of fact, our God is so good that the day after I miraculously received my license back, my wife shot a hole in one at a golfing event and won a prize—you guessed it, a beautiful Cadillac! Yes, God is so good, and I am so unworthy. Won’t you give God the same opportunity to do for you what I have personally seen Him do in the lives of hundreds of other people just like me?

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