Enablement – Help that Hurts

“And he would fain have filled his belly with the husks that the swine did eat: and no man gave unto him. And when he came to himself, he said, How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger!”

(Luke 15:16-17)

Enablement defined is “any approach that provides means or opportunity.” A leading question among workers dealing with addicted people is, “How do I know the difference between enabling them and showing them love?” In the CD (available through Reformers Unanimous) entitled, “How to Minister to the Addicted”, I discuss three different models or philosophies in dealing with those who are addicted.

One of those models is the “impaired model of addictions.”  It deals with people who are looking at the actions and reactions of an addicted individual and judging that person based on what they see.  This model is prevalent in most churches today. They believe that it is just a lack of character that keeps this addicted individual bound and they just need to repent and exercise will power to stop their addiction.  However, but other times they will feel sorry for them and will continue to enable them-giving them enablement-a help that hurts! In this model of addiction, it is believed that the only treatment is to change the addict’s behavior through  shame, guilt, rejection, or by enabling them – which results in a deeper shame-based identity and stronger addiction.

To make this topic of “enablement” clearer, I want to list some examples to help you.  Many Christians want to help, out of a good heart and bowels of compassion, but that compassion should not be based on “soulical” needs of those we are trying to help, but rather spiritual needs. You see, you cannot help someone UNTIL they, just like the prodigal son mentioned in the verse above, come to the end of themselves. It does not mean that we do not help them, but it does mean that we do not enable them. In the years of watching some of our leaders here in Rockford minister to people that would have continued their habit; I want to present some situations in which you can show love without enabling:

1. If a student asks for food money -
   1. One who would enable them would give them money–quickly
   2. One who would love them could meet them at Wal-Mart and purchase the items the student needs, while spending time with them and developing them in spiritual ways.
2. If a student needs gas for his/her vehicle -
   1. Someone who would enable them would give them money. (Don’t ever give money! When a drug addict gets money they buy drugs!)
   2. Someone who would love them would take them to the gas station and put gas in their car for them, also spending time with them.
3. If a student’s car gets impounded for various reasons -
   1. A person who enables them will get their car out of the car impound without doing anything to help change their behavior.
   2. A person who would love them may look for other options (bus, bicycle, carpool,) without getting the car out of the car impound, to reveal to them that the consequences for our sin are inevitable, incalculable, and up to God. (Principle #9) We do not want to get in the way of what God is trying to do.

The Bible is clear that man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart. The real need of an individual is not to change their circumstances on the outside, but to be used of God to change their heart. The very thing that needs to be changed, their heart, is often used to manipulate and control all circumstances to their advantage. Once someone in leadership clearly sees this pattern, through the eyes of God’s love, they will realize (like the prodigal son’s father) that there was a time to give his son his inheritance with no strings attached. This was necessary for the son to get him in the position where no man was willing to give to him again to help him continue his behavior, his life style, and his heart’s appetites and desires. At Reformers Unanimous, we know that God will put a new heart in every believer, and that the power of the Gospel is able to transform anyone’s life – if they are willing to turn.  In summary, that for which an addict may be asking is not really what they need; and what you would like to do for them may not be what He would like to do in them. One thing is for sure, God has bestowed upon us His love, given us His Spirit, and the fruit of that Spirit is love, and may God help every one of us to demonstrate that I Corinthians 13 love in a way that would help people without hurting them.

Current Housing Needs

Don’t ask-Tell!

Understanding Nehemiah’s view in sharing his needs to people…

“We don’t ask man for money, we ask God-He owns it anyway! -Steven Curington

Our goals have grown away from asking people to help us with this project and that project.  Our need been met so many times simply because we asked God to meet then and shortly thereafter someone requested information on our needs and then just like that, the needs were met.

So please pray over our needs in your spare time…at least once! How about now? There are just a few….

Womens Home:

• Twelve girls to fill beds in the new home.  Reduced tuition for them if needed and accepted.
• A 15-passenger van, used but nice, for the Joy Belle’s summer tour.
• A 30 or more shuttle bus to transport ladies to work, church, and back.
• An “In Memory” or “In Honor” donor for the south wing rooms.
• A “Window of Opportunity” for individual donors to purchase a window for the girl’s bedrooms.Current windows are worn and will not last until or through winter.
• The commercial kitchen will remain closed until we can fill it with used, but nice, commercial kitchen appliances and equipment. One need at a time is our goal.  Though the home opens this week, the cafeteria will remain shuttered till God meets that need.

Men’s Home:

• Nine men to fill beds in the existing home. There is some tuition money available through the Timothy Fund to help a few.
• Tuition dollars “in memory” or “in honor” of someone you love to help men and women attend our program who could not otherwise afford it.

National Ministry:

• We need one man to fill a role of Marketing/Public Relations and Communications.  This interested candidate must be gain his Pastor’s permission before sending his resume and would require his move to Rockford preferably by June 15.
• We also are need of a strong Operations Director.  Someone who understands people movement, policy informant personal management and problem solvement.  This person works for me and oversees 75 staff, students and volunteers. Both positions report directly to Bro. Curington.
• We need talented graphic designers to assist our workload in our creative department.  This person does NOT need to relocate to Rockford, but will work independent of headquarters on plan preparation.  Chosen candidate will work for Will Fowler.

National Conference of Workshops: The Way is Agape!

To say that I am excited about this year’s conference is an understatement would be unparalleled in our ministry.  My excitement has been replaced with personal refinement.  I am learning so much about our topic of love and its alternative forms offered by man-Phileo; and what is offered by the enemy-Eros. I cannot wait to teach you what I have learned and the lessons I have spurned in an effort to become addicted to aggressive striving in the work of my ministry.  This aggressive striving led to an addiction to affirmation of those whom I strived to serve, whether students or pastors.  This addiction led to be seek the affirmation and praise of man.  This reciprocal cycle caused me to abandon what is common among family-time and energy; for that which was being blessed by my calling-my ministry.  I would tell my family I loved them, but when the day was done and I had only two weary hours left before their bedtime, they could sense something wasn’t right.  Disappointment and regret, rather than appreciation and affirmation set in and I was doomed.  Not making my family happy, with my people, staff and students struggling with many wants demanding they be met, they often voiced their great displeasure with me.  With vendors and customers waiting for money or product that we could not deliver and with churches dropping support regularly, I became a man not only unappreciated, I became a man most miserable whom people sensed the only way to help me was to request of me that which would only make me more miserable!

It is at this time I refined our topic to “The Way is Agape:  Learning to Live for the Audience of One!” As we teach, train, and coach your workers to this all important intimacy with the Father, we must understand how important that it be to us.  It must be our all sufficiency.  It must give us humility, transparency, sensibility and accountability.  And then, the way others feel for you or about you will change.  Not because they will cease to love you, but rather love you more because you are not expressing to them the Father’s love which has been bestowed upon you.

We surely hope your church and chapter can attend this year’s event.  Mark your calendars – Monday, September 27^th through Thursday, September 30. The Formal Banquet will be the evening of the 29^th.  You won’t want to miss this yearly awe-inspiring highlight.

RIP – Reformers Institutional Program

Here is a testimony from an incarcerated individual participating in the program:

“I love RU. My parole officer introduced me to the program. It is much better than A.A. I was saved back when I was 20 years old and in the U.S.M.C at Camp Pendleton, CA, but didn’t stay with the Lord. I was baptized in Oceanside, CA. I always felt a pull to God but didn’t know how to go to Him. I was brought up with a God who only punished, and I wasn’t taught about God’s loving side. I spent many years in prison for the crimes I committed. Being in Reformers has changed my life for the better. My family and friends (the few I have left) have seen a change in me. The nicest thing anyone has ever done for me, next to God’s gift of Jesus’ sacrifice and the Holy Spirit, was introduce me to R.U. My life will never be the same.”

- Jerry B. in New Jersey

(Click here to read other testimonies…)

It is exciting to see the continual growth of the Reformers Institutional Program (RIP) here and abroad. Testimonies like the one above come into our offices every single day. It is even more exciting to hear of those men that have been released from incarceration that have joined both the Friday night RU programs and local churches across this country. There is an exciting parallel going on between ministering to those that are incarcerated while at the same time ministering to their family members in the community through the local RU Chapter. We have discovered that, because of their stronger relationship with God, the reunion of the incarcerated with their loved ones is much sweeter, and the end result is families joining local churches all across America. If you are interested in starting a RIP program in your community please contact our offices at 815-986-0460, ext 150, or email us at rip@reformu.com.

Note to current RIP Programs:

Recently we were made aware that the bookmark awards for the RIP program are not able to go into a large majority of the jails and prisons, therefore we have discontinued these items and made certificates for those challenges. We have limited supplies of those bookmarks still available, and if your program allows you to use them you may purchase them through the sales manager, Barry Curington, at sales@reformu.com.

Rockford Training Days

The increased number of chapters this year encourages us. We have started nearly 50 chapters since January 1^st, using our new model of director training. Recently, we sent an email to pastors and directors of current RU chapters, encouraging them to attend one of these conferences here in Rockford to get retraining and re-certification in operating an RU Program. We have been surprised by the numbers of leaders, helpers, and even students that have attended these classes on overcoming stubborn habits and effectively helping others in your community. We invite you to learn more about these free opportunities of training by going to http://register.reformu.com/. Please note that this training would not be superior to that of our National Conference, but it would be a great addition to anyone or any chapter that is currently struggling.

RU Schools of Discipleship

“Looking back, I never would have seen it coming, and if you would have told me that my first hit of marijuana would have lead me to becoming a heroin addict, I wouldn’t have believed you. Because of my rebellion to God, I started to experiment with drugs and alcohol when I was 14 years old. By the time I was 19, I had already been to jail on numerous occasions. The last time I was arrested there was no hope of a release anytime soon. That’s where I heard about the Reformers Unanimous program. I started to attend the program, and gave my heart and my life back to God. Then I got court ordered to the Men’s School of Discipleship in Rockford, Illinois. There, I learned what it really meant to walk with God, and what it meant to study the Bible. Through the It’s Personal Daily Journal, and the Strongholds Study Course, I learned what it meant to be discipled and worship God. The accountability taught me about the structure and discipline I never had as a fatherless teenager. The daily counseling with the Stewad, Jeff R., got me through most of the program. He was always turning my heart towards God. The constant accountability also helped me to learn that freedom is found in boundaries. Today, I have the wonderful privilege and opportunity of not only studying for the work of the ministry in Bible College, but also working full-time in ministry underneath my pastor. I thank God almost everyday for the RIP Program that introduced me to Reformers Unanimous, as well as the School of Discipleship for changing my life.”

- Michie D. in Illinois

(click here to read more testimonies…)

There are people like Michie all across America who want help and are searching for freedom, but they cannot do it on their own. They need the extra accountability of an in-patient program. They can follow the same path to freedom and success. If you know of someone who could benefit from our 8 to 10 month Schools of Discipleship, please email us at weneedu@reformu.com or call us at (815) 986-0460 ext 115. We love you…at RU!

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